Thursday, September 27, 2007

Because of Ava

Some people have the gift of being truly real. They aren't afraid of sharing who they are, what they feel and exposing every joy and tragedy that showers every day life. They embrace life and everything that comes with it. It is not new that bad things happen to good people. It has been happening since the world began. And doing good things doesn't necessarily ensure a life of ease devoid of suffering, tragedy and moments of sorrow. Conversely, it also doesn't mean that doing bad things yields a life of suffering and unhappiness although that tends to be the eventual outcome. So how do we reconcile ourselves to the harsh reality that no matter how much good we do in the world, there is no way that the good cancels out the bad? There is no way to guarantee happiness aside from self determination to find it in the every day. In a blog I came across recently, the woman shares her thoughts on suffering and loss and how doing the right thing is good not because there is a payback or security from suffering but because it's the right thing to do. In reading her message through several posts, I found her journey from heartbreak and sadness over the death of her daughter Ava to a new appreciation of every day moments to be inspiring and thought provoking.

I have often been amazed by the capacity of human healing. At times when we bear the unbearable and feel as though nothing can possibly take away the pain, loneliness, sadness, heartbreak... and that we will never be able to feel whole, the body and heart demonstrate a supernal ability to endure and be victorious over that which seeks to destroy us. But that really only happens with the presence of hope and determination. Happiness and hope are conscious choices we make every day despite the pitfalls and sorrows that accompany mortal existence. The loss of a spouse, parent, child, friend; the suffering of disease and disability; the sorrow of war and destruction - all carry the potential to break the spirit and yet so many fight for life, peace and happiness by preserving a memory and vowing to appreciate life more fully. I believe those who have passed through the fire of affliction, loss and despair find a deeper love and gratitude for what they have each day. To wake up every morning with the sun in the sky and air to breathe is a beautiful thing. To do that next to the one you love is an even greater blessing.
I fear that I too often take my life for granted and flit away the days checking them off as if they are a task to be done. Unlike the satisfaction of checking things off a list, checking off a day yields nothing except a pang of "What did I really do today?" I fear that I do not fully embrace every day. I fear that I do not fully appreciate each moment I have with my sweet husband or the precious moments I have to spend with my family. We are always hearing that there is no guarantee that we or any of us will be here tomorrow, but do we really comprehend the reality of that? I think at times that I am invincible and that there is always tomorrow to do this or that. I hope there is and that's what keeps me going, but I also hope that I do not take for granted what I can do on this day. There are times that I try to take it all in and I feel like my cup runneth over. Like the mornings when I wake up and just like the sound of Cameron breathing next to me and the way he rests his hand on my arm in the few minutes of snooze time I allow myself. Or when we are running side by side and I am grateful that I can run and as we pass by the reservoir with the buildings lit up in a warm pink glow from the rising sun, I am glad that I have someone there to share it with. I am truly blessed in every way.

Good guys do not always finish last and the bad guys aren't usually the happiest people. But every day when I wake up, I have a choice to make. I can choose to live my life to the fullest despite opposition, sorrow and suffering; I can choose to be happy; I can choose to be a good person for the sole reason that it is the right thing to do; or I can be defeated and blind to the millions of blessings and morsels of happiness that make my cup runneth over. I hope I always choose to see the sunshine even when it's raining.


Nicole Cave said...

I read about this little girl on one of my friends blogs also, and I instantly start crying because of course all I could think about was my own babies and how sad that would be. One thing that you wrote about in the last paragraph of your post was striking to me because it is something that my mom has always said to me. And that is, "I can choose to be happy". I think for some people that comes naturally and others it is a little more of a challenge. But the fact is no matter what your life is like, it is about choices, living it to the fullest, and making some kind of a difference in yourself and in others, and just simply being happy. We have numerous reasons to do so. You just have to constantly remind yourself of them!!

Sheye said...

Thankyou for your beautiful post.
If it is okay I will include it in a book of memories for my children.
Love Sheye Rosemeyer