Thursday, March 04, 2010

A sobering reminder

I learned yesterday that a girl who lived upstairs from me at BYU recently passed away. I checked her blog on occasion after learning a couple years ago that she found out she had cancer while she was pregnant with her third baby. I was mesmerized by the story of how she wouldn't abort the baby despite putting her life in serious risk. Her baby was delivered at 30 weeks and she immediately underwent serious chemo treatments and even surgery. Her baby was fine and then in time in appeared that the cancer had been beaten.

Unfortunately, Catie passed away a little over a week ago leaving a husband and three young children. Her husband posted his eulogy here, and I think it is an inspiring and touching read. Although I did not know Catie well, I feel blessed to have even been touched by her life briefly. I am amazed at how some people remain optimistic, hopeful and strong during the most trying, challenging and defeating times. She is an example to me, and I only hope I can be a fraction of what she was in her young life.

After reading the eulogy last night almost in tears, I thought about how much she loved her children and made the most of every day she had despite feeling weak or sick or overwhelmed. Certainly she had hard days and days when she didn't feel she could go on, but her love for her family gave her courage and strength. I think that is a legacy any one of us would wish to pass on. I imagine her children will remember her as a strong and faithful woman, and despite their young age, they will know how much their mother loved them.

I am reminded at how fragile life really is. No one knows how long she/he will be alive. I could be gone tomorrow or next week, and the question always seems to be, "Did my family really know how much I loved them?" I often wonder why it is so hard for me to express love to my family of all people. Of course, I love them, more than I ever admit. Maybe it's pride. Maybe it's personality. Whatever it is, it's stupid. I am grateful for every day I am granted breath and life. I am grateful for the moments I get to spend with my husband and son and pray those moments will be long.


Eliza said...

I just visited your friend Catie's blog, I cried so hard that I couldn't read the words. And that slide show was so brave of them to show. I just don't have the words to express how much that truly touched me.

I was feeling so beat down by my children tonight (as they were both crying at the dinner table after I had slaved over dinner I threatened to take my dinner and eat it in the car) - this life of raising small children is so hard and so relentless there are moments when I think, HOW AM I GOING TO DO THIS ANOTHER DAY?? And then you imagine loosing one of them, or being taken from them and you weep - until there is a puddle of tears on your desk.

Thank you for sharing this. I needed to be reminded that this is where it is at and what it is all about.

God bless Catie and her family. I will pray for them tonight.

P.S. I love you, your husband and your boy - in case you were ever in doubt!!

Dave and Mandy said...

Hi Nikki - I'm so happy to rediscover your blog. Thank you for this tribute to Catie. It is beautiful. Hope all is well for you!
xo Mandy

Tamara said...

It is always nice to have a reminder about what is important in life, thanks you. Nikki, I feel your love every day. There is no question about how much love you feel and show to others. Miss and Love you and your family.