Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Letters I have been meaning to write...

Dear Silvermoon Bakery: thanks for that burned cookie a while back. I used to love your establishment, but it seems burned cookies are now the it thing. I'm not sure I will be coming back.

Dear Community Food and Juice: I love you. Glad you are back.

Dear Banana Republic: I am not a size 2. I haven't been a size 2 since before I was a freshmen in high school. Please fix your sizes so they are accurate. And you have a rather rude manager at your store on Broadway and 67th. Please remove him from your payroll. Thanks.

Dear Costco: Long may you reign. Thanks for coming to Harlem.

Dear US Government: You should try to employ people who at least look like they are happy to have a job and can at least try to act cordial. I have had little success with kindness at the libraries and post offices in my neighborhood. I'm not sure why people who work for the government are always so sour and disgruntled, but perhaps you should take note.

Dear Obama, Freelancers Union and anyone else who has some say in healthcare reform: Please do something about the cost of healthcare for the average person. Not everyone has employer paid or provided healthcare, and paying out the nose for mediocre insurance so I would still have to pay $16000 out of pocket if I were to have another baby is unacceptable. I'm tired of my taxes paying for someone else to have babies for free. Fix it without making a complete mess of it or making it like other government institutions. For examples, visit your local DMV or see previous letter.

Dear Kevin and Khaliel Kelly: Thanks for having Cameron 34 years ago. I like him, and I'm glad he's mine.

Dear Con Edison: I hate your monopoly and I wish you would stop robbing me every month.

Dear Central Park: I miss you. Sorry I haven't been to see you everyday, but I still love you more than any other park. Thank you for loving me back.

Dear Winter: Thanks for coming, now please do not overstay your welcome. It makes me dislike you ever so much. I'm already tired of being frozen daily.

Dear Google: When you finally take over the world, please remember that I have been loyal.

Dear Apple: Thanks for understanding why it took so long for me to come around. I love you. Thanks for making the world of computing and technology enjoyable and less complicated.

Dear JH: You are by far the coolest and most marvelous little human being. Thanks for being part of my family and letting me hang out with you all the time. May you always love me as much as you do now. Thanks for making me smile and making every day a perfect gem.

Dear 2010: It's about time you got here and kicked 2009 to the curb. As much as I liked 2009, I hope you have better things in store for us. Keep it real and make it good.


The Hepworths said...

Harlem has a Costco?! That has to be amazing. Thank you for your Banana Repbulic letter, so true. Cameron and JH are lucky to have you! Hope your 2010 is wonderful.

Cannon and Kassie said...

i love your letters :)

kjerstina said...

You are clever and hilarious, as usual!

teamkc said...

That is fabulous! I absolutely love it! I may steal bits of it for my blog and credit you, ok?!?!

Allison said...

OK I love this post too. Hm, I think I'm going to love the next one too (as I read backwards in time...) Love you guys!!!