Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Another Tuesday post

I can be honest. I have really been struggling with going back to work ever moreso as that fateful day approaches. I have cried a river of tears... every day... as I think about leaving my little boy for most of the day to attend to a job that suddenly has zero meaning. Sure, it's cash in the bank and health insurance (that's the real kicker), but if I had to choose between working for Bank of America or working for the little man, I would most certainly choose the little man. The rewards may not be monetary but his smiles and happiness are priceless.On Sunday, President Monson spoke about being grateful and enjoying the journey. I had prayed before conference that something might speak to me and help me with this monumental decision I was facing. His address made me want to stay home with my son even more. Every day he makes new discoveries and missing even one would be unforgivable. Right now, he is on the verge of rolling over and may finally figure out how to get his thumb in his mouth (even if I don't want him to figure it out I still find myself cheering for him). And then there is the uncertainty of the economy, the stock market plummeting and our jobs no longer necessarily secure, and it makes me think twice about quitting. But as my sweet and faithful husband says, it is a good thing to want to be at home raising our son, and if we put our trust in the Lord and do our part, then He will make up the rest. I am a doubting Thomas, and I don't know why. He has never failed me in the past, so there is no reason He should start now.

I went in to talk to my manager last Friday to have a little heart to heart. I was honest about my feelings and what I needed to do for my family basically saying that unless I could work from home at least twice a week, then I thought it best for them to consider finding someone else who could take my place. I felt good after leaving knowing that I had said and done all I could and it now rested in the Lord's hands. I walked away and said, "Thy will be done." I have not heard back from my manager yet, so my future is still uncertain.
What could be more important than teaching this little man everything he needs to know? Certainly not meeting planning at B of A, as loyal as I am to my team and my job. So if anyone has any bright ideas on how I can earn some extra money working from home, I am all ears... I need to be around this little man as much as possible...

5 comments:

Sarah L. said...

Oh honey it is so worth it to stay home and take care of the baby. I decided long before my first that I was going to stay home and I have always been blessed with jobs I could do from home. Sometimes you have to just take that first leap of faith and say I am staying home and then something will come up. Other times the blessings come first. You never know. I know that being home has been such a blessing for my kids. They do so much better when mom is home to take care and love them. Good luck with it all
sarah

familia Bybaran said...

Wow. I bet that was a hard conversation to have. I am sure you will find something. You are smart and you clearly have faith that the Lord will provide. I am sure he will.

mallorymeteer@gmail.com said...

that is so hard. all I can do is pray for you. maybe this is the push you need to finally become that trainer/coach you always wanted to be. That might be something the little guy can go with you. I don't know. Good luck.

Tiffany said...

You really are such a good mom!! When I first stayed home with my children it was really hard financially, but completely worth it. Clay and I both know that if we haden't made that choice we wouldn't be where we are today. Just do what is right for you and your family and the Lord will provide!!

Melissa C said...

Good luck with your decision! I know you will be able to make whatever you decide work for you and your family. Too bad you just plain didn't like your job like I did! Have you thought about selling things on ebay or craig's list? It doesn't make a lot, but can help with a bit of spending cash.