Thursday, November 03, 2005

The Original Mala Show

The Original Mala Show
25 October 2005

My roommate Mala often says we live in a clown show. That was never more true than on Sunday morning.

I like Sunday because it is typically the one day of the week that I do not have to set my alarm or get up early, which is perfect since I am usually out late on Saturdays…this weekend was no different. I had gotten home around 2 am after spending several hours waiting and participating in possibly the worst haunted house ever to be conceived and executed. I slept rather soundly and woke up around 9:30 am. I exited my room and wandered to the kitchen for a glass of water only to be greeted by a running dishwasher spewing out soap suds. My roommate Jane was sitting on the couch, and I asked who started the dishwasher. “Not me,” she replies. Hmmm, must be Mala since no one else was awake. I immediately ran upstairs to find her cleaning the bathroom and asked her what kind of soap she put in the dishwasher. She proceeded to tell me that our other roommate CK had told her to use the organic soap under the sink in the white bottle, which Mala did. However, that was dish soap, not dishwasher soap. I quickly informed her of the mishap, and she admitted it wasn’t the first time.

Downstairs the dishwasher continued to spew soap, so I opened it up only to find that it was consumed by suds. Mala said that they just let it run the last time, and since the suds had begun to slow down, I determined that this wasn’t really such a bad idea. I went about my business sitting on the couch reading, relaxing, enjoying my Sunday morning. About 20 minutes later, I look up to see that the suds had covered the kitchen floor and began their rapid crawl toward the hallway. I jumped out of my seat and ran to the kitchen to see soap suds spewing out of the dishwasher at an unprecedented rate. There was no stopping them, so we had to shut it off.
As we stood there in the sudsy mess we discussed our plan of action. In the end, the dishes had to be removed, rinsed and dried and the soap had to be scooped out manually. Jane and I proceeded to rinse and dry all the dishes before Mala began scooping out the suds. Thirty minutes, four large towels and a roll of paper towels later, the floor was spotless, the dishes cleaned and put away and the dishwasher sparkling. The argument that she could not find the regular dishwasher soap doesn’t hold much weight since it was right in the front of the cabinet under the sink. No matter… we live in a clown show.

At some point I suppose that whole episode could have upset me, but I found it so humorous and ironic that it was difficult for me to be upset. It was funny… so funny that I am immortalizing it in The Muse. Mala keeps my life interesting and often gut-wrenchingly funny, especially late at night. I usually tell people that I don’t need late night with Jay Leno or Conan O’Brien because I have my own late night comedy show. It’s the Mala Show…the most original clown show I have ever seen and been a part of.

The regular stars are Mala, Ck, Jane, Michelle and Myself. Mala is of course the ring leader and the queen of puns and funny voices. I think my favorites are Poops and Buddy, her cats in California. I always know when CK has been in the kitchen because every cabinet is open, the drawers are pulled out, there are pans on the stove, dishes out and food everywhere. I would say that in terms of cleaning, CK and I are polar opposites. She definitely leaves her mark. Jane has a miraculous way of attracting the little cockroach buddies who share our dwelling, and every time they see her, they must jump out at her because she squeaks and jumps back just before she goes at them with a vengeance shouting at them to die. It’s a constant war although most of the time, our enemies are too fast and cunning and often get away. Michelle is the resident “I need a man who…” consultant. So far it is a Jewish born converted Mormon, who plays the mandolin and makes nature documentary films. The search gets narrower all the time, and I am convinced at some point there will only be one man who fits that description and it will be a Hallelujah! moment for Michelle. And me… well, I laugh at my own jokes, do a good impression of the dancing Peanut Butter and Jelly Time banana and every once in a while pull a good pun out of nowhere. If we lived in Medieval times, Mala would be the most famous jester in the kingdom.

It’s a clown show. If you’ve seen it in a cartoon or if it’s strangely ironic… it’s probably happened at our house at one point or another. Stay tuned next week when Mala pulls a ferocious lion out of the closet Narnia, subdues him with a good pun and teaches him to mimic the dancing banana.

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